Series Seven: Shepherding Families

In this study we will examine how the male leader of the home tends toward anger in the family. Namely, his frustration with life’s circumstances turns sinful when he exhibits anger at the things that do not anger God.

We will look at anger from a number of angles, including: What does Proverbs have to say about anger? What does Paul have to say about anger? What attitudes are behind anger? What is the first indication of repentance from anger?

The wisdom literature in Proverbs has much to say about anger. Much of it is proximity language, which warns us to stay away from angry people.

1. Proverbs 19:19—Stay away from angry people. Anger becomes habitual. Angry people operate in everyday arenas of life and usually pay massive dividends for their out-of-control anger problems.
2. Proverbs 20:3—It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from an angry person because an angry person will quarrel. The angry person is a fool. The Bible has strong language for those who cannot control their anger. They are foolish because they try to control life and they think they are captains of their own destiny. When they fail in their attempts to control, they spew out anger. Those nearby experience wounds and scars.
3. Proverbs 22:24–25—Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man. Specifically, don’t make a friendship out of the relationship and spend time with them as a common association. Do not live by their ethics. You must get away from them. You cannot excuse it. They will drag you into their trouble. These are unrepentant, sinfully angry people.
4. Proverbs 25:28—A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls: he is without stability or protection.

The apostle Paul shows us that righteous anger is possible and necessary to manifest the character of God. It is normal and necessary as a Christian is maturing to display righteous anger. The things God hates we also are to despise. Unholy things should cause us to be indignant, especially when those unholy things are in our lives.

1. God’s wrath in anger is always displayed righteously and perfectly. We cannot always be perfectly righteous in our anger.
2. Ephesians 4:26—You should not exercise any sinful anger, but be angry and do not sin. When Christians get angry, they must make a distinction between sinful and righteous anger.
   1. When anger rises up, it should never turn into personal anger over personal things.
   2. If you let it become personal, you will give Satan an opportunity to destroy (Eph 4:27).
3. Ephesians 4:25—Put away falsehood; speak truth, and if there is any anger, it should result in building up the body and not tearing down.
   1. Righteous anger must be about the right things.
   2. Righteous anger results in righteous responses. Do we recognize the difference?
      1. When we have experienced righteous anger, we probably don’t recognize it very much. As we mature in our Christian walk, there should be growth.
      2. Much of the time we are acting in sinful ways, so when we act righteously, we may not immediately recognize it.
      3. As you examine your life, you will learn to be sensitive to sin patterns. With a sharper conscience, you will learn how to reject the lies of sinful anger.
      4. Sinful or righteous? Righteous anger never violates any part of God’s Word. You are thinking God’s thoughts. In the moment you are despising what God despises.
   3. When someone blasphemes God overtly, it is easy to see how we can be righteously angry. In personal relationships we run into trouble because we are personally involved. Our involvement blurs the line between being righteously indignant over sin and feeling personally offended.
   4. Ephesians 4:31—We must put away “all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander … [and] all malice.” These are a collection of terms of what goes on in the heart when we have been selfish. Throw them off (cf. Col 3:8; Jas 1:20)!

What attitudes are behind anger?

1. Self-absorption/self-centeredness
   1. In a family dynamic, it is the love of one’s own way. Anger pours out when people get in the way of your desires.
   2. You are self-absorbed in your idolatries that make you feel comfortable. Then, when someone threatens to get in the way of them, you react in anger to protect what you idolize.
2. The denial of God’s sovereignty
   1. Refusing to submit to what the Scriptures teach about God’s sovereign control over your life
   2. In a tense situation, we often become frustrated with circumstances.
      1. It is a normal part of life. It doesn’t necessarily mean we are angry.
      2. It simply means the circumstances are challenging or are an obstacle.
         1. Circumstances can hinder our desires and plans.
         2. Hindrances simply require adjustments.
   3. Other times frustration with circumstances is sinful anger.
      1. This occurs in the moment of frustration when the heart and mind conclude that I have a right to something, and this hindrance is preventing me from getting what I deserve.
      2. It is no longer a desire (e.g., “I want my children to obey”). Anger results when we think we have a right to demand something.
      3. You have defiantly moved yourself into the position of the Sovereign.
      4. To be sinfully angry is to defy God’s control of all things. Circumstances are for God to control.

The first indication of repentance from anger is confession to God and to our family.

1. Confession in the New Testament is to acknowledge what God says is holiness, sin, and obedience. Being specific is helpful to indict myself and acknowledge what God says about my sin.
2. Honest confession before God means we are honest toward others whom we harm.
   1. Willing transparency with people is the mark of being honest before God.
   2. We are not going to be perfect, but it must be a growing pattern in our lives.
3. Believe in the promise of God that He will be compassionate. Scars may still exist as children may be slow to trust.
4. Even if you outwardly obey, be quick to address your heart. Repent of the things that no one sees. Speak truth to your inner man. Cherish God’s Word in your heart, so you might not sin (Ps 119:11).