Series Fourteen: Divorce and Remarriage

The study of divorce and remarriage is essential to develop firm convictions surrounding God’s perfect design for marriages and families. In this study, both the Old Testament and the New Testament passages are examined to firmly plant the church within the biblical framework of marriage. God’s people must have a thorough knowledge of the clear teaching in Scripture, since the one-man, one-woman design of marriage for life is clearly under attack in the culture.

1. God hates divorce (Mal 2:16) because it violates the nature of the one-flesh, permanent, binding covenant between a man and a woman. Marriage was viewed as the most solemn arrangement between two human beings.
   1. Proverbs 2:16–17
      1. The path of the adulteress is the abandonment of her companion and forgetting the covenant she made before God.
      2. To divorce one’s spouse puts him/her in opposition to God.
   2. Romans 1:18–27
      1. Man plunges into perversion by suppressing the truth.
      2. Man hates the original structure of marriage, which leads to perversion.
      3. The marriage relationship cannot be sustained without the gospel.
   3. Malachi 2:13–16
      1. Verse 13—They wanted God to excuse their deviation from His covenant design. They did not view marriage as God did, and they did not view its demise as He did. He does not accept their offering because they did not look at His covenant the way He does, and they are not repenting of their sin.
      2. Verse 14—They ask for the reason. The wife is a companion by covenant, but they dealt treacherously with her. God views the breaking of this covenant as treachery, and He refuses to accept the worship of His people.
      3. Verse 16—God hates divorce and the one who covers his wrong.
      4. Worship will not be accepted if you deviate from God’s design or if you do not agree with God and repent of the deviation.
         1. We see this same pattern of God not accepting worship in 1 Peter 3:7: “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”
         2. God doesn’t say He hates something that does not have massive consequences for His people. Divorce is gospel-disrupting.
2. Jesus doesn’t treat divorce or marital perversions casually. In Matthew 5:27–32, Jesus speaks about the impurity of the heart that leads to destructive perversions of marriage.
   1. Jesus says that if you are going to deal with the standards of righteousness you can’t look just at the actions or outward evidence.
   2. Adultery begins as a perversion of the heart. The self-righteous put a covering over their heart condition and acted as though they didn’t pervert the marriage.
   3. The heart condition is what makes you guilty before God. It is the heart, thoughts, and intentions that Christ examines.
   4. Verses 29–30—Christ explains how severely you must treat that heart condition. He is saying that the lust of your heart will lead you to eternal damnation. It is that serious; it will blind you and send you to eternity without Christ!
   5. Verses 31–32—Jesus is teaching in this passage the heart of divorce, which is adultery. (This passage does not teach all of the nuances of divorce and remarriage.)
      1. This passage has often been used incorrectly by the church to keep people in a state of singleness. One would have to ignore 1 Corinthians 7 to hold the view that remarriage was not possible. In that case Paul himself would have been violating Christ’s teaching with his teaching.
      2. Verse 31—The perpetrator/guilty/offender is the one desiring the divorce without biblical cause or justification. Christ cites Deuteronomy 24 to show that adultery is at the heart of divorce and a violation of God’s design for marriage.
      3. In those days, the Jews were giving certificates of divorce to those who appeared righteous. Their desire was not to end the marriage because of sexual sin on the part of their spouse. Instead, one party wanted out because of lust.
      4. The Jews’ perversions included almost any reason for divorce. The only clause in the law from Deuteronomy 24 was for impurity, sexual sin.
      5. In this passage, the perpetrator makes her an adulterer because he wants out of the marriage. His lust or his offense makes him the initiator.
      6. Verse 32—Jesus’ point is not that the innocent party cannot ever remarry.
      7. Deuteronomy 24 is clear: the perpetrator or offender causing the divorce is the one who is stained and not permitted to be remarried.
3. In Matthew 19:1–9 Jesus is being challenged and tested by the Pharisees.
   1. Verse 3—Jesus dealt with the Pharisees who were trying to make their own rules and regulations. The Pharisees are testing Jesus to catch Him in a nuanced violation of the Law, an inconsistency.
   2. Verses 4–5—Christ creates a framework to teach by tracing marriage back to God’s original and perfect design by from Genesis 1:26–27; 2:24; 5:2.
      1. Scripture is clear that man leaves father and mother for a godly marriage, not for a perversion of God’s design.
      2. The design is rooted in how God created them, male and female. This is also the greatest argument against homosexual relationships and same sex marriage.
   3. Verse 6—The design of the family has the man leaving and cleaving in a one-flesh union; there is no other design for the family. This is the groundwork laid by Jesus before answering the question from the Pharisees.
   4. Verse 7—The Pharisees think they have trapped Jesus by bringing up Moses, the patriarch of the Law. Is Christ going to wrangle with Moses from Deuteronomy 24:1–4? Christ shows them very quickly that God does not excuse the one who violates the one-flesh union.
   5. Verse 8—Jesus says, “From the beginning it has not been this way.”
      1. He reminded them that God allowed divorce for the Israelites because of their hardness of heart, because of their sin.
      2. Divorce is not a loophole: one person is going to harden the heart and the other person is going to be left unprotected.
   6. Verse 9—Jesus provides a clear statement about immorality (porneía). This word meant any sexual relations outside of the one-flesh union. It is not lust or cravings.
   7. Lust leads to sexual sin, as Christ states in Matthew 5:28.
      1. Jesus teaches that the sin begins in the heart (i.e., heart adultery).
      2. Adultery in the mind is not the same or has the same consequences as physical adultery.
      3. Lust in the heart is still sin and should be properly confessed and dealt with at that level.

First Biblical Ground for Divorce: Immorality

Divorce is permitted for the unprotected spouse who wants to stay in the one-flesh union, but cannot due to acts of porneía by the guilty or unrepentant spouse.

1. While the text does not specifically say, “unrepentant porneía,” the implication is there. Someone is separating the one-flesh design, since they are unwilling to repent.
2. One partner wants to end the marriage, and they are proving it with their infidelity/sexual sin. The innocent, non-offending spouse is the one who wants to maintain the one-flesh union.
3. Christ establishes the first exception clause to protect the innocent person who cannot fulfill his/her marriage vow and keep the marriage pure. The exception clause is also a consequence to the one who has violated the vow. The sin of adultery has very specific evidence of repentance. The sinful relationship is given up and the person returns to the marriage permanently.

Second Biblical Ground for Divorce: Abandonment

In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul addresses different circumstances of marriage. He addresses situations between believers and unbelievers and abandonment (and abuse by consequence).

1. Verses 10–11—Paul reiterated what Jesus taught. The perpetrator or offender must remain unmarried. This passage doesn’t intend to address every possible situation.
   1. There are individual situations that pastors have to reconcile with Scripture.
   2. The general principle is that the preferable path is confession, repentance, reconciliation, and forgiveness.
2. Verse 12—“I say, not the Lord.” Paul is saying, Don’t search previous Scripture for this, but as an apostle, I say with authority the following.
3. Verses 12–16—Paul begins to address situations where people are married to unbelievers.
   1. The unbeliever is set apart for special grace into a marriage dynamic with a believer. The power of the Spirit of God and His grace enter the home. One believer in a family is better than no believer, generationally. (That’s why he mentions the children who are all set apart, sanctified and holy.)
   2. Verse 15—Unbelievers do not care about biblical controls, so they are not bound to that vow. Don’t fear. The believer is free, and we are called to peace. Paul removes the stigma that they are still bound to former spouse.
   3. Verse 16—They should try to keep the marriage intact and reconcile, but he is clearing their conscience when the unbeliever abandons the marriage. You will not “save” your spouse. Do not go to war in the home to stay married.
   4. Abuse in a marriage has a clear connection to peace in verse 15 and illustrates that the spouse doesn’t care about the marriage. The crime of assault communicates loudly that they don’t want a peaceful, biblical marriage. Unrepentant abuse has the same effect as abandonment. By their actions, perpetrators do not want to be married.

The two biblical grounds for divorce create a special protection for the one who honors the marriage covenantal vows and a special consequence for the one who perpetrates the offense. These are the only two grounds given to us by the Bible for divorce:

1. Unrepentant sexual sin/physical adultery
2. Abandonment, including abuse, by an unbelieving spouse

We learn that even though God allows divorce, violating God’s plan often results in a mess for both the innocent and offender. We need to keep in mind, that divorce is not God’s original plan; it is a perversion of His design. It is part of God’s providential workings to show His people that a violation of His design has massive consequences which often affects generations.

Questions to Anticipate

• Could Matthew 19 be speaking of betrothal and not marriage?
• Does adultery require the demise of the marriage?
• What is the evidence of repentance from porneía? Further study of Titus 1:15–16 and questioning salvation may be in order.
• What if the innocent party demands a divorce even when the offender is repentant? Teach what the Bible says about forgiveness. If the innocent spouse is truly innocent, after examining the biblical text, he or she likely will want to honor the Lord and avoid the negative consequences of divorce.
• Expect questions about messy divorces and remarriage prior to people coming to Christ.

Suggested Resources

• Gordon J. Wenham, William A. Heth, Craig S. Keener, Remarriage After Divorce in Today’s Church (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2006).
• Jay E. Adams, Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1980).
• William A. Heth, “Jesus on Divorce: How My Mind Has Changed” (article available online).